Tuesday, January 5, 2010
What is going on?
Recently I've been waking up from my slumber every morning to myself singing. It's not the singing that throws me off...but every morning as soon as I wake up I find myself singing praise songs. No, not humming, actually singing the words. I can't even remember half the words to praise songs nor do I listen to them outside of Sunday. But somehow, some way, I wake up singing songs of praise. WADAFA? Brain Explowned.
Readings Gen. 16-18
HAHAHA this makes me laugh.
And the LORD said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I surely bear a child, since I am old?’ 14 Is anything too hard for the LORD? At the appointed time I will return to you, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.”
15 But Sarah denied it, saying, “I did not laugh,” for she was afraid.
And He said, “No, but you did laugh!”
PWNED
Also, thoughts from yesterday...Abraham had some big ass conjes. He nags God about Sodom like no tomorrow.
Then the men turned away from there and went toward Sodom, but Abraham still stood before the LORD. 23 And Abraham came near and said, “Would You also destroy the righteous with the wicked? 24 Suppose there were fifty righteous within the city; would You also destroy the place and not spare it for the fifty righteous that were in it? 25 Far be it from You to do such a thing as this, to slay the righteous with the wicked, so that the righteous should be as the wicked; far be it from You! Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?”
26 So the LORD said, “If I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, then I will spare all the place for their sakes.”
27 Then Abraham answered and said, “Indeed now, I who am but dust and ashes have taken it upon myself to speak to the Lord: 28 Suppose there were five less than the fifty righteous; would You destroy all of the city for lack of five?”
So He said, “If I find there forty-five, I will not destroy it.”
29 And he spoke to Him yet again and said, “Suppose there should be forty found there?”
So He said, “I will not do it for the sake of forty.”
30 Then he said, “Let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak: Suppose thirty should be found there?”
So He said, “I will not do it if I find thirty there.”
31 And he said, “Indeed now, I have taken it upon myself to speak to the Lord: Suppose twenty should be found there?”
So He said, “I will not destroy it for the sake of twenty.”
32 Then he said, “Let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak but once more: Suppose ten should be found there?”
And He said, “I will not destroy it for the sake of ten.” 33 So the LORD went His way as soon as He had finished speaking with Abraham; and Abraham returned to his place.
"Be a men, do da righ ting"
And the LORD said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I surely bear a child, since I am old?’ 14 Is anything too hard for the LORD? At the appointed time I will return to you, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.”
15 But Sarah denied it, saying, “I did not laugh,” for she was afraid.
And He said, “No, but you did laugh!”
PWNED
Also, thoughts from yesterday...Abraham had some big ass conjes. He nags God about Sodom like no tomorrow.
Then the men turned away from there and went toward Sodom, but Abraham still stood before the LORD. 23 And Abraham came near and said, “Would You also destroy the righteous with the wicked? 24 Suppose there were fifty righteous within the city; would You also destroy the place and not spare it for the fifty righteous that were in it? 25 Far be it from You to do such a thing as this, to slay the righteous with the wicked, so that the righteous should be as the wicked; far be it from You! Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?”
26 So the LORD said, “If I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, then I will spare all the place for their sakes.”
27 Then Abraham answered and said, “Indeed now, I who am but dust and ashes have taken it upon myself to speak to the Lord: 28 Suppose there were five less than the fifty righteous; would You destroy all of the city for lack of five?”
So He said, “If I find there forty-five, I will not destroy it.”
29 And he spoke to Him yet again and said, “Suppose there should be forty found there?”
So He said, “I will not do it for the sake of forty.”
30 Then he said, “Let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak: Suppose thirty should be found there?”
So He said, “I will not do it if I find thirty there.”
31 And he said, “Indeed now, I have taken it upon myself to speak to the Lord: Suppose twenty should be found there?”
So He said, “I will not destroy it for the sake of twenty.”
32 Then he said, “Let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak but once more: Suppose ten should be found there?”
And He said, “I will not destroy it for the sake of ten.” 33 So the LORD went His way as soon as He had finished speaking with Abraham; and Abraham returned to his place.
"Be a men, do da righ ting"
Monday, January 4, 2010
Everything
Some day, You'll be in everything to me. Don't bother with your rhetorical questions of "Why not today!?" STFU. It just won't be.
Such simple lyrics...such profound words. Complexity in simplicity found once again.
God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking
God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything
Such simple lyrics...such profound words. Complexity in simplicity found once again.
God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking
God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything
Readings Gen 8-15
Know what I admire about Leo? He asks and inquires without hesitation. That takes a lot of balls and somehow...with all my ballsness, I can't pull myself together and ask when I need to. Now if there were only concerning people, so be it. But one thing we tend to do when we ask God or pray about blessings is we always say "Dear Heavenly Father, please give me the blah blah blah blah" but we never ask about HOW we should receive that blessing. Know how I know people in the olden days had balls the size of melons? The Lord commands them and before they go into blindly following and being "obedient" they always make sure to ask "How shall I do that Lord?" BALLS. BIG. BALLS.
BACK THEN: OO NOW: ..
Got to get myself some.
BACK THEN: OO NOW: ..
Got to get myself some.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Readings Gen 4-7
Wonder what would have happened if Noah didn't listen.
But then again whats the use of wondering if all is written out already? Just get on with it then.
But then again whats the use of wondering if all is written out already? Just get on with it then.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Readings Gen 1-3
A new year, an old beginning =).
I know I just started John but I decided to go beginning to end fresh this new year so we're at Genesis, which by the way, is one of my favorite words.
Anyway, I love reading Genesis too...It makes my mind wander and think of all that is said. I picture it. Awesome, naked people. But yea, it'd be nice to not know good and evil because we'd only be good. If I were Adam or Eve I would have taken from the tree of life instead. Live forever whist being good. Knowing evil back then would only allow people to do evil. So fail.
I know I just started John but I decided to go beginning to end fresh this new year so we're at Genesis, which by the way, is one of my favorite words.
Anyway, I love reading Genesis too...It makes my mind wander and think of all that is said. I picture it. Awesome, naked people. But yea, it'd be nice to not know good and evil because we'd only be good. If I were Adam or Eve I would have taken from the tree of life instead. Live forever whist being good. Knowing evil back then would only allow people to do evil. So fail.
Those Eyes - [Fear (2%) Concern (2%) Hurt (2%) SOOOOOOOO SORRY (47%) Ugh, you're gross (47%)]
I'm a good guy right? I do nice things. I look out for my friends, I sponsor a third world child, I attend church, I have a job, I'm good to my family, I love dogs, I love walks on the beach, watching snow fall outside the window, sitting by a fireplace and all that jazz. Makes me a good guy, right?
I think so. But something deep down inside me that I didn't know existed surfaced recently. I brushed it off the first time it happened...but after last night I don't think I can anymore. And so the story goes like this: last night we were walking out of the club and some kid with a smashed face came charging towards me with a lunging hook (a type of punch for those who don't know...not an actual one). Who'd want to hit me? He did. Good thing I realized that a moment before he made contact or else I'd be less beautiful today. I dodged his punch for the most part but his pinky knuckle still grazed my face. No big deal. Was I angry? No, not one bit.
I wasn't raging like any other guy would. No, I'm worse than those idiots. I started to immediately look at the arm he swung at me with...strategically thinking of ways to make that arm useless for the rest of his life. How should I break it? Should I dislocate his shoulder FIRST, THEN break it? Oh wait, I think shattering each and every one of his finger joints would make it worse for him to live. Did I want him to die? No, not at all. I wanted him to live and suffer. Suffer for the rest of his life because he wronged me. But the scary thing is, I wasn't angry nor raging...this was thought while all sober and competent. I did the gentleman thing of course and told his friend that if he swung AGAIN at me, he will lose an arm. Deep down inside I wanted him to swing again. I wanted him to hurt and regret for the rest of his life that he wronged me. All this thought in my head for such a trivial wrong doing. Unforgiving. You will pay.
What kicked me out of this trance was those eyes. Out of all my years of knowing Esther, the only things her eyes ever said to me were "SOOOOOOOOOO SORRY" (50%) and "ugh, you're gross" (50%). But yesterday, the balance of those statistics shifted and changed. She held me and pleaded I stop. Did she see the evil inside my eyes? Did she feel the evil crawling out from my heart? I don't know. As she pleaded and looked deeply into my eyes, I saw fear. I saw concern. I saw hurt.
I couldn't bring myself to break a friend's heart and so love overcame evil. Love saved me from encouraging that darkness laying dormant inside. Her eyes burned my demon so hard I can't even explain. Regardless, I don't like what I saw. It disgusts me. Why am I like this? Why do I have to be a sinner? I don't want to be. But yesterday I didn't just kill a man in my mind, I tortured him for the rest of his known eternity. What is this evil inside? Get it away from me. I fear myself. And to those who wrong me ... I fear for you. I pray God will snatch this demon out of me and I pray that I fear God more than myself. Let Your love transcend this hideous evil inside of me. Please. I beg you. Amen.
I think so. But something deep down inside me that I didn't know existed surfaced recently. I brushed it off the first time it happened...but after last night I don't think I can anymore. And so the story goes like this: last night we were walking out of the club and some kid with a smashed face came charging towards me with a lunging hook (a type of punch for those who don't know...not an actual one). Who'd want to hit me? He did. Good thing I realized that a moment before he made contact or else I'd be less beautiful today. I dodged his punch for the most part but his pinky knuckle still grazed my face. No big deal. Was I angry? No, not one bit.
I wasn't raging like any other guy would. No, I'm worse than those idiots. I started to immediately look at the arm he swung at me with...strategically thinking of ways to make that arm useless for the rest of his life. How should I break it? Should I dislocate his shoulder FIRST, THEN break it? Oh wait, I think shattering each and every one of his finger joints would make it worse for him to live. Did I want him to die? No, not at all. I wanted him to live and suffer. Suffer for the rest of his life because he wronged me. But the scary thing is, I wasn't angry nor raging...this was thought while all sober and competent. I did the gentleman thing of course and told his friend that if he swung AGAIN at me, he will lose an arm. Deep down inside I wanted him to swing again. I wanted him to hurt and regret for the rest of his life that he wronged me. All this thought in my head for such a trivial wrong doing. Unforgiving. You will pay.
What kicked me out of this trance was those eyes. Out of all my years of knowing Esther, the only things her eyes ever said to me were "SOOOOOOOOOO SORRY" (50%) and "ugh, you're gross" (50%). But yesterday, the balance of those statistics shifted and changed. She held me and pleaded I stop. Did she see the evil inside my eyes? Did she feel the evil crawling out from my heart? I don't know. As she pleaded and looked deeply into my eyes, I saw fear. I saw concern. I saw hurt.
I couldn't bring myself to break a friend's heart and so love overcame evil. Love saved me from encouraging that darkness laying dormant inside. Her eyes burned my demon so hard I can't even explain. Regardless, I don't like what I saw. It disgusts me. Why am I like this? Why do I have to be a sinner? I don't want to be. But yesterday I didn't just kill a man in my mind, I tortured him for the rest of his known eternity. What is this evil inside? Get it away from me. I fear myself. And to those who wrong me ... I fear for you. I pray God will snatch this demon out of me and I pray that I fear God more than myself. Let Your love transcend this hideous evil inside of me. Please. I beg you. Amen.
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