Tuesday, May 25, 2010



Finished day 1 of the Snacks Expo in Chi town. We're gonna hit up deep dish pizza place later tonight and then the pier. Tomorrow we have 3 seminars to attend from 7:30 to 10 then off to shop on Michigan Street.

Today I sampled more candies than I would have liked...no not really, but I'm prob going to gain a few pounds and get type II diabetes. Oh yea, they got beef jerky with caffeine. Wild. Dried bugs and bugs covered in chocolate too; you bet your ass I had some. Tastes like KitKats but with more protein.

The show floor is MASSIVE but in January or February we might hit up the world's candy show in Germany. Heard that place is EIGHT times bigger. WADAFA.

My feet are killing me and I didn't bring any other shoes...I'm stuck in my dress shoes until tomorrow night.

But the feet aching isn't all that bad when you compare it to how much my mind is running. I can't stop thinking. I think I'm flustered. I wish you were here to walk the pier with me. I wish you were here to ride that huge ferris wheel too. But I can only wish. If you see this, bake me some cookies for when I get back!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Sometimes instead of being constricted by expectations of people and society, I wish I could just roam the world free from everything. A wandering nomad, stopping to smell the flowers, climb the mountains and run on lakes (yes it is possible to run on water).

Thinking about the vast amount of stars in the sky I'd get to see; high grass and rolling winds I'd get to traverse across...I can almost smell it, I can almost feel it. Every day would bring something new and though it may not be exciting, it would be captivating simply because I'd get to see the beauty of this world and what nature holds.

I'd learn to hunt and everything would be fine and dandy. Give it a week. I'd probably be scribbling on the dirt of the mountains with a stick:

"Sometimes instead of being so wild and free, able to do whatever I please, I wish rigid guidelines were set for me so that I didn't have to think and plan out my daily expeditions. I need internet."

That's reality. Whether nomad or not, the grass is always greener on the other side.

Friday, May 14, 2010

A Figment of My Reality

It's a dark, dark mansion with streaks of light piercing through the cracks of the rotting frame of what used to be a wall - me and Khang are panting, quickly reloading our guns which are out of ammo. Sounds of rustling leaves and thumping on doors break cold sweat down our temples. Our other two companions are staring at the two doors about to be broken down, ready to unload their guns at any give moment.

"Reloading!" as we both yell to each other in hopes of having the others cover us from the danger barricaded by the doors that are about to be broken down. CRACK* the door slams to the ground as hordes of mindless zombies, slobbering over our flesh come rushing through like a flood. We hear bones cracking as they squeeze through the frame over each other: we unload. The grunts of the zombies are muted by the rhythmic sound of our guns gatling away. Smoke comes out of our barrel and piles of zombies lay before us. "Reloading!" we both yell again.

We run to the top of the mansion to find a military grade machine gun (ones that anti air to shoot down fighter jets.) A sigh of relief comes out but soon to be stuffed by the sound of thunderous pounding coming from the court yard. A massive being to which looked like a silver back gorilla with its skin peeled off come running towards us on its big knuckles. Khang unloads the military machine gun onto it until the gun over heats. To no avail, we run in circles as I throw a molotov cocktail at the beast to set it on fire. After unloading another 3 clips each into the mindless tank, it falls on its knees and dies (again I guess since it's a zombie...). We're both gravely wounded and limping with blood dripping out of gashes everywhere. My vision starts to get hazy and blurry but quickly adrenalin kicks in as I hear the radio signal us "The ferry is here! Make a run for the front gate! We're getting you out of here!"

I yell at Khang who's on the top floor, "RUN!" at this moment, a little humpback zombie capable of moving at the speed of a dog jumps onto Khangs head directing his movement near the rail of the upper floor. Hordes of zombies rush our other two companions and they become overwhelmed. A zombie pounces on one of them ripping through her flesh as another horde is stomping and kicking the other one. Khang falls from the upper floor with the zombie riding his shoulders. Meanwhile I'm halfway to the extraction point in the court yard to the ferry. I look back and realize two of them are now zombie food and Khang has a broken leg shooting the horde with his pistol. I have a med pack that can save him...but I'll need to clear that horde.

I run back as fast as I could with my limping leg and blurry vision. I unload magazines full of bullets to the zombies which were now stomping Khang. They fall around him. He yells back "Go back! Go back! I'm not going to make it! RUN!" As I spray another twenty zombies to the floor I scream back "No man I'm getting you out of here, stay alive! STAY ALIVE!" I manage to get to his side.

As I open my med pack to restore his vitality his shutting eyes widen. I look back and two more peeled silver back gorillas show up.


My hands were working as fast as they could while my eyes were peeled on the two giants. One of them charges towards us and I stop the patch work to throw a firey grenade hoping to deter it. I get rammed to the floor as the tank holds my waist and repeatedly slams me. Khang viciously unloads his pistol rounds into the monster's back. My vision is blurred with red as blood pours down from my head. It's so dark...I'm so tired...The last thing I see is the other beast stick his two hands into the ground pulling out a piece of the cement roughly the size of a table and chuck it towards Khang with speed and accuracy of a well aimed bullet. Crash I hear. Black I see. It's over.

I could have saved myself had I ran to the ferry. I died trying to save him. I failed; but no regrets.

We lean back in our chairs and take our hands off our mouse and keyboard. Look at each other
"FRIG! Damn tanks man, we need to kill them before running to the ferry for rescue!"
"Yo they just pop out of nowhere!"
"Frig, ok. Another round, we have to beat it this time"

We reload our game and our weapons and get ready for another round of zombie massacre. This is how we spend our nights. In front of our computer screens fighting zombie apocalypses =).

Monday, May 3, 2010

72 oz of wtf: Part 2 - The Aftermath

After eating the steak I felt quite disgusting. By the time I got home I started to feel dizzy and sluggish. The toilet never looked so good, that sexy thang. I punch myself in the back of the throat and what looked like motor oil came out - because you know, I'm a fricken machine.

I was kind of sad to see that amount go out the wrong end as we had joked about how I'd end up having a 3.5 lbs atomic bomb drop later on during the day. Whatever, I think 2 lbs would still be amusing. Surprisingly, I went to the washroom 5 times in the next hour. It had substance thanks to the fiber pills. I didn't feel any better though. My stomach was still uneasy and I felt numb in the lips. I think I must have ingested three days worth of sodium because I was drinking a liter of water every half hour. My stomach was too full but I needed it. Painful tradeoff.

I couldn't sleep until three in the morning and constantly woke up to drink more water. Worst sleep of all time. The humidity didn't help...and meat sweat never stopped.

The next day I felt hung over. Hung over from food? I never thought that'd be possible and the guy from Supersize Me was totally boosting. The whole day felt like a hangover recovery day and all my lifts at the gym dropped by 20-40 lbs.

Anyway, now I'm fully recovered. Would I do this again? Probably not. Maybe a 106 oz later on in life? Quite a possibility. I urge you guys to try the 72oz steak challenge if you THINK you can finish it. You learn a lot about yourself and life in general. All theories become real and tangible when you're faced with a piece of meat the size of a premature baby.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

72oz of wtf: Part 1 - The Forequestion.

This is the account of my 72oz steak challenge experience.

When the steak arrived I kind of jumped because it was MUCH larger than I had anticipated. My heart plummeted and "Oh Shit" was bouncing off the walls of my mind. I look to the left and right of the beast of a steak and there they were: baby trees. There they were: baby BLAND trees like how white people love them - boiled. Gag reflex ready and in motion just thinking of eating those at the end of my meal.

I quickly dissect the meat in my mind into quarts and pieces. How shall I demolish you? Just grab and eat like a caveman? No, I'll be classy, for now. I cut one piece off and throw it into my endless abyss, the white square guardians go to work on the fleshy meat. Nom nom nom. My fork and knives go to work and the 4.5 lbs of beef gets shredded up like a pack of piranhas were thrown onto them.

The process repeats until 2/3 of the beef is gone. I check the time and only 10 minutes have passed. YES I'm going to make it for under 20 minutes I think to myself. As I go to cut that last 1/3 I realized that a flab of meat has been folded under another piece. DAMN IT. My mentality was that I had 1/3 left, not 1/2. Crap. My stomach is feeling it now and I kind of panic. No time to panic. Must win.

I stuff my face until my jaws start filling up with lactic acid and it's now sore. MY JAWS, SORE. That should paint a picture of how much meat I just had. The last 10 oz was beyond well done. I was swallowing what seemed like wood chips. No matter. Nomnomnom.

I now have 3 pieces left. THREE pieces lay before me blocking my path to glory. I make them my bitch. But then I realized the three guardians of the tree are protecting my holy grail of victory. Damn brocollis. So many of a vegetable. I quiver at the thought of being defeated. Into the abyss they go. For a moment, they fought back, I gag...but I knew that if I vomit I lose. Stay down bitches, stay down. I wash it down with a glass of cold water which had someone's fajita on the bottom of there like a dirty floater you see in public washrooms. Typically, gross. At that moment? Do not care. Victory so close at hand, I scoop the rest of my plate full of HP sauce and sauteed veggies...like a barbarian I stuff it down my face. Hands raised: I came, I saw, I conquered.

Rounds of applause go off and a standing ovation from my loving supporters. I couldn't have done it without all of you. 34 minutes of battle and I stand victorious. Now excuse me while I go wash my hands off from all this winsauce.