Simple Man, Simple Plans

So I'm listening to the song "Gentleman Don't" by Gabe Bondoc...and in the lyrics I think one of the most powerful lines in this lovey dovey song is

"I'm just a simple man, simple plans. I got to work to take care of my fam, I'm sure you understand"

A lot of times we try to identify ourselves with the songs we hear. We fit our memories into the lyrics, we fit our dreams and hopes into the songs that others sing. Just a month ago, I would have thought those lyrics fit me perfectly...But truth of the matter is that I am NOT a simple man - nor do I have simple plans. I'm as complicated as they come and I'll stop kidding myself by finding simple girls. I need a girl who can truly understand and appreciate complexity; willing to inquire and unfold never ending layers to my ridiculous mind. I need her to understand that my plans are grander than both of us and that she'll need to be willing to live it out with me. All of us need to stop kidding ourselves trying to fit our lives into someone else's shoes. Identify yourself, embrace it and live it. That's how God made us to be. The best way we can honor Him is to bravely walk the path He laid out for us even if it seems like at any time we could fall off.

"Dumbasses are dumb and asses" - ME!

Who can't stand dumbasses? Hands up with me. But man, if we're gonna be talking about dumbasses let's BREAK IT DOWN. This is about to get real scientific and ishhhhh.


People who are bad at school: These people don't qualify as dumbasses, you dumbass.


People who try to convince people they aren't dumbasses: People who ask stupid questions during lectures qualify. I don't mean the ones who ask questions that are easy. I mean the people who ask questions pretending to be insightful and educated whilst the question has absolutely no relevance to the topic at hand. Congratulations, you've won a prize. Claim your free asshat at the local guido club.


People who have NO common sense: Now, THESE people are dumbasses. They get in the way of EVERYTHING. You know those people who are clumsy and trip over anything , well tripping over is funny but when you're socially tripping over everything, you my friend, are a dumbass. 


People who are all up on that high school drama shit: THESE people are even a greater level of dumbassness. It's epic fail to even be in that situation at our age but they eat that shit up like they're flies. MMMM BULLSHIT love it and live it. Dumbass.


People who grunt at the gym: Alright, this gets pseudo science. If you're grunting and pressing like 95s on each hand, cool. If you're grunting on the LAST reps of the LAST set, cool. If you're grunting while pressing 25s on the first set of the first rep through the last set of the last rep...congratulations my friend, you-are-a-dumbass. You look, sound and SHOULD feel stupid. But you don't...which makes you an even bigger dumbass.


People who think they're so awesome they quote themselves: THE hands down dumbass king. How the hell do you figure you sound so awesome you have to quote yourself? Cmon man, seriously? I see this guy on facebook and I look at his info. This guys one of those REAL motivated, or seemingly so, people. Got quotes from everything and everyone regardless if they're applicable to life. I'm thinking "Wow, this guys so dumb" as I'm reading down his info and as I see the favourite quote section I figure it'd be something from a notable person. "Always press on! Never give up! One more time." - ME.


The motherfu-- quotes himself. Alright, let's step back a second...if you're Aristotle and bust out this
“We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” —Aristotle 
That is cool man. Congrats on that insight. Hell, the other side of the argument is that if you're as smart and insightful as Aristotle you wouldn't be caught quoting your own pretentious ass to begin with. No really, check Aristotle's facebook, dudes quoting Socrates instead (nerdy philosophy joke? No? Ok...)


This guy who quotes himself sounds like he's the captain of the asshat ship. Oh yea, ship has sailed LONG time ago. "One more time" Really? Sound like a Daft Punk song rolling out of the club. If you're really that quotable don't fret, other people will undoubtedly paraphrase you or even quote you. Don't quote yourself please, you sound more stupid than Birtney Spears: "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."


Likewise, on the contrary to Aristotle, the fact that you THOUGHT your quote was memorable brands some triple A quality dumbass seal into that ass you call a head. 

A Trip Down Memory Lane

I was digging for computer parts yesterday at my place and suddenly came across this cd pouch. It looked so familiar with the neat writing on pen marks on the front. I thought it was a pouch holding my PS1 games and thought "haha, maybe I should bust it out and play some of these games." As I unzipped my excitement grew. I was expecting colorful art of different games when I read "mix 1" Wtf is a mix one?

Then I realized...these were cds I made when I got my first walkman...these were fragments of who I was from grade 9 to 11. At first I didn't realize how significant this was but as soon as I popped in the cds it threw me back in the portal of time. Memories rushed to me. Feelings relived. Happiness, regret, pain all those emotions felt again 4 minutes at a time; one song at a time.

It was AWESOME. I kind of chuckled to myself because I remembered the person I was. It's nothing like the person I am now and is it for better or worse? I don't know. But in the age of mp3 players...we won't have music memory lanes anymore. Kind of sad, no?

If you guys find yours, take some time alone and pop it in. It'll be amazing. And if you ride in my car, ask me to pop in those cds...I had different music choices...Oh yea, if you find yours pop it in my car to give me a glimpse of you ;).

Your Song

I've come to the odd realization that in hard times, it's this song, your song, that makes things easier for me.

I feel a weight lift off my shoulders when this song randomly plays in the car when I'm driving.

Even though I don't get to see you much, you're my relief =P.

Inconsistency is a Plague

Recently, I haven't been very consistent with my readings. I know I made a public announcement stating that I no longer need to blog as an accountability tool. I hate to set aside my pride and retract that statement publicly but I will if I have to.

Inconsistency plagues many of us. Many people think it's because we're lazy or "something came up" or (insert any plausible excuse here). I'm not just talking about inconsistent with QTs or readings, I'm hitting all facets of life here. My workouts have been inconsistent too. I still go the same amount of days, but intensity waves on and off like our freaking exchange rate.

Here's what I noticed: when I am inconsistent with Christ, I am consistent with failure. Obviously those that read this blog know I'm not some over religious, over spiritual zealot (my life for Aiur!) but I mean this in the most practical sense, which I believe the bible most definitely is meant to be. I don't quite understand why it is that I consistently fail at things I want to do when I am inconsistent with Christ. Really, Jesus and working out have nothing in common. In fact, I heard dude was a huge ectomorph and wasn't getting enough protein. My studying has also taken a hit, I haven't been keeping up with my investment books. I'm like that fool that buried his denari. All jokes aside, I just thought I'd share with you guys about that observation. If I ever figure out what it is, I'll let you know. I'm sure you're interested in the reason behind the observation.

I don't like failing and so I'm going to be back on the road of consistency with Christ before all else. Well, all else will fall in place. I truly believe that.

Oh yea, coincidentally, part of today's reading:
Deuteronomy 28

Blessings for Obedience

 ¹ If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. ² All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God: ³ You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.
 ⁴ The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.
 ⁵ Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.
 ⁶ You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.
 ⁷ The LORD will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven.
 ⁸ The LORD will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The LORD your God will bless you in the land he is giving you.
 ⁹ The LORD will establish you as his holy people, as he promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of the LORD your God and walk in his ways. ¹⁰ Then all the peoples on earth will see that you are called by the name of the LORD, and they will fear you. ¹¹ The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity—in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground—in the land he swore to your forefathers to give you.
 ¹² The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none. ¹³ The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom. ¹⁴ Do not turn aside from any of the commands I give you today, to the right or to the left, following other gods and serving them.

My Heart Is Breaking

I see a broken man shattered to pieces. His soul looks lost of purpose and reason because today, his brother died. Four weeks ago, we were laughing and having dinner. Three weeks ago, he was diagnosed with liver cancer. Two weeks ago, cancer spread all over his body. One week ago, liver ceased to function. One day ago, comatose. What seems like a moment ago, he was here; what seems like a moment ago, he's now gone.

I never, ever lose my cool. I can handle any situation no matter how stressful. I am a man that ducks no bullets nor turns away from any situation. Two days ago, the man barged into my office and said "Kevin, I have to go early." His hardened, manly ambitious eyes gave up and instantly became weary. He paused for a split second and as his eyes welled up he finished what he had to say - "my brother is dying."

We stared into each other's eyes for two seconds. In those two seconds I was trapped in time and frozen in action. It seemed like our eyes locked for minutes as I sat there blankly. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't speak. I did nothing. I lost my cool.

This scene is burned into my mind and I will never forget those eyes of panic and desperation. Today, after his brother passed away, I ran into him. His body was moving but his spirit was gone. A hardened man from the storms of life, just like that, lost all drive. He walks but isn't living. I gave him a hug and I wanted to embrace him and comfort him. As I wrapped my arms around him I felt a darting pain hit the pit of my stomach. My heart skipped a beat. I was so afraid so I let go. I walked away and I knew he just stood there for a second. I knew if I turned around he would break down. I knew if he broke down I would break too. I ran away like a coward. I ducked the bullet. I turned my back to the situation.

We think we know pain. What do we know about pain? Most of us hasn't experienced shit. What do we know? We're just dumbass kids.

Swearing is bad? FUCK THAT. Today I sinned hard. Today, I did NOT love my neighbor. Because today, I chose to love myself instead. God forgive me. Today, I repent. Strengthen me so that I will not buckle again. You have made it so that my friends lean on me, I can only lean on You.

Forex

I've started journaling about my forex trades. Just thought y'all should know. I never realized how powerful logging experiences is. Workout log, QT log, reading log, forex log. Good stuff!

When In Doubt, Pick C)

Urban myth? Retarded rumor to ruin random report cards? Who knows. But I am confident that all of you have heard of that saying some time throughout school. Some even go to say that B) is the new C) because the professors have caught on.

A multiple choice exam is usually preferred by people because it provides a SET of choices with ONE of them being correct. People can use different strategies to derive the right choice even if they have no clue what it actually is or means. Open ended, short answer exams destroy some people because they are left with many choices from the book and don't know which to pick. Work makes people panic because they have to choose an answer drawn from school and training combined. Life buries us because we have to act based on every single experience we've had up until the moment of a new choice. The reliable "when in doubt" choice becomes even less viable than it already is. Religious zealots will undoubtedly say in unison "when in doubt follow the bible." Basic instruction before leaving earth is just that, basic. The bible tells us WHAT we're supposed to do but does not say HOW. There are too many situations in life to encompass in such a thin book.

Whatever it is, school, work, or life, the best way to approach it is to know the theme. Everything we do, everything we learn has a theme. If we truly understand what something is SUPPOSED to be then all of our actions can gravitate towards that goal. You see, life has no right answers. Measuring the outcome of our choice is not a good way to measure the quality of our actions either. Too many random variables happen between our action and its outcome. In a G1 test, the best answer is always revolving around safety. In a work environment, generally, the best answer is always one that matches with the mission/vision statement. In life, the best answer is always revolving around your goal/calling.

Picking out the right answers isn't that hard. It's picking out the theme that's difficult.

Just One of Those Days

Do you guys ever get that? One of those days where all negative feelings and sadness overwhelms every part of you. Nothing you say or do makes you feel better. You wear a fake smile, opt for enthusiasm and struggle for positivity to no avail.

One of those days that feel hopeless and the outer brows constantly point downwards. One of those days that make you want to scream but you're trapped shut by your own sadness. It's one of those days that seem to last forever; every time you look at the clock only a minute has passed. You try to keep yourself busy so that you don't think anymore, only to realize you've frozen and ceased what you were doing staring blankly into nothing.

A day that blinds your view on all the good things God has blessed you with. It's a day where thankfulness is laid to rest while blame and guilt shreds into your soul like a wounded school of red piranhas on wounded cattle.

Rational thoughts mean nothing to you on those days because reason does not exist. Meaning in anything doesn't exist. In one of those days.

Just one of those days.