Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Scio me nihil scire or scio me nescire.

Stats, probability, all that junk seemed so confusing at the time. Looking back on it now, it's such a breeze. Relationships was so over complicated but is now so simplified. Human behavior that felt so random is so predictable. I NEVER get it right when I need to. With only time added to the equation, I start to understand everything better. I did nothing to increase my knowledge in any of those areas. For some reason, I'm just better at it. I want to know why so I don't lag behind anymore.

Throughout my life, it seems whatever I do, I'm always one step late in truly grasping it. During the time I'm doing something or am supposed to be doing it, I don't reach my potential. It's only AFTER I'm done with it that I truly understand the essence of what it is.

Whatever it is, I think that knowing something will cause us to do the right thing while believing in something will get us to truly do the thing right. At first, for all scenarios in my life, I KNOW what I'm supposed to do. But I don't really believe in it so I don't really care. Of course, this leads to poor results. It's only after I mature through time that I start to believe in concepts in those areas. Doing them now is much easier because believing brings things to life. Now it's needless for me to draw this parallelism to faith right? Thought so.

Anyway, what do I know? I'm just some runt rambling. Two years from now my views might even change again. But I think Socrates said it best: I know that I know nothing.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Lost and Found

You know why a show like Lost is so amazing? It's not because J.J. Abrams has some epic shots of an island around Hawaii; Nor is it a cast of hot chicks or even a great story line. It is so acclaimed because the people on the island, each and every one of them are so lost...and as the show progresses they gradually find themselves.

The process intrigues us as we're revealed how the hero and anti-hero are all human. I mean, even the most righteous will be selfish and make stupid decisions that disregards everyone else's well being. Even the anti hero will sacrifice himself for one he loves. You see, on the lost island, everyone puts down their front eventually and reveals who they really are.

This is a chilling revelation. The only time any human will show their true color is when they just don't care anymore. True color comes out when we have no hope or care for consequences. What's that say for our society? NONE of us truly know each other. So a lot of people wonder why their bf/gf changes after a relationship goes long term. Well, they didn't change. You just didn't know them. I guess you should feel good that they chose to reveal themselves to you because they don't care anymore about you judging them. At the same time, you should probably feel terrible because we only complain when change is in the direction we don't like =).

While that may hold true for a general population, we as Christians should really try to be real. But really, what do we do? Should we show our ugliness and let other people judge Christians by our ugly true selves? Maybe we should. The last thing I want to be is an oasis mirage to someone dying of thirst.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Up Dog

I've been kind of on a blogging hiatus since I got deathly sick last week. It was indeed guess was the raw ass chicken nuggets on Sunday. Anyway, I'm alive and kickin so it's all good.

Well, in the last week of sickness I've fallen lots of times. My readings were very inconsistent, I think i read 4/7 days...I failed in another aspect too that I'll fess up with my SG. I didn't work out either. For some reason, working out is the bond that binds me and God. Weird right? I can't wait to hit the gym tonight.

Anyway, for the amount of times I've fallen last week I've come to realize how thorough God's grace is. A dirty, revolting person like myself can be loved through Jesus. I wonder which is more mature in our faith...fighting to follow Jesus and think we CAN be perfect like Him...or realizing that we CAN'T ever be like Him. Isn't it only after realizing the second scenario that we can really see what grace is? Something to think about.

On a non spiritual level, I had a great new year/vday weekend. (You made me remember what excitement feels like. Thanks Texas ;). You left as swiftly as you came...I'll see you soon hopefully =P)

Monday, February 8, 2010

Broken Hearts/Broken Promises

A memory etched in my brain forever:

"I don't want to! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!"
"...What? Stop...why are you freaking out?"
"I don't want to be that girl"
"...You don't want to be my girl?"
"I know I'm just going to be that girl who preps you into a better man so that another girl would end up having you"
", you won't..I promise."

A conversation between my first girlfriend and I.
That was the first promise I've ever broken. It was the first pair of hearts I've ever broken. 

After each heartbreak we wonder how to take away the pain. It seems like it'd last forever and each moment in itself is already forever. But really, to triumph over such simple matters of the heart (yes, simple) is just a faithful leap away. Believe that God has it all planned out for you...and if you truly have faith in that, you have the good, the bad, and the ugly of every experience as a stepping stone to what He has ultimately written for you. We meet people for a reason and each of them serve a purpose in our life. If we realize that, we can wholesomely accept ended relationships and lovingly embrace new ones.

The only problem is, no one can help you believe it unless you want to. Too many times we hold on to what was and never let go. We're afraid that if we let go it will be gone, forever. I wouldn't say it's the case. Every finished relationship, although ended, still has its everlasting effects on us regardless of what we want to believe. It becomes a part of us and shapes us into what we're to be...all in His time.

I think this is what my last relationship taught me the most. I learned how to be at peace no matter how much it hurt at one point. I had to break a heart...and it hurt me even more. But amidst the pain, wisdom sprout up into understanding. Sometimes I wish I hadn't...but it's the way things are and that's the way things will be. I know it made me a better man and I can love the next one better.

How many more stairs until I reach the top? I hope the next one is the last step because I'm getting tired of climbing.

Here, bring your innocence back and forget the hurt. This one's for you
Cute, right?

Thursday, February 4, 2010

God and Listerine: Both Sting

No matter what I do, I always ask God to speak to me. I mean, having a monologue makes you feel quite retarded and self absorbed really. So this morning, as I took a big swig of Listerine, God spoke through the unbearable sting like a burning bush in my mouth.

"IDIOT!" he belted as the blue water of acidic death swirled its way to every crevice of my mouth. "GOD DA--" I screamed internally as I tried to fathom why the friggen hell I did that.

At that moment I've come to realize how GREEDY we have become. We think if there's MORE of something, it must be better than less. More Listerine? DIE you gingivitis inducing bastards! More food? SATISFY my cravings! More working out? MELT you damn jiggly fat.

No, not really. More Listerine burns like a bitch. More food makes me walk like the hunchback of Notre Dame. More working out makes me feel handicapped.

Wanting to be close with God with MORE? Well, that leaves us feeling not good enough and it hurts so bad. I'm not saying one day we won't reach that level. But honestly, right now, few of us can truly take in that large amount of God. People who do competitive eating train for that kind of stuff so they can take in a little bit more every time. People who workout do it gradually so they can push a little bit more every time. And well, people with good oral hygiene must sip a little bit more every time to build up tolerance to that ungodly burn. Stop looking for instant fixes thinking that stuffing your face with the bible will instantly bring you closer to God. Frankly speaking, you probably aren't ready to handle that much glory. What happens after a retreat high? You get STUFFED with spiritual food while you're there and when you come back you lose it all. Then you walk like the hunchback of Notre Dame with your head down in shame and heart stinging. Get real, you couldn't handle it.

Take it slow. A little bit is already enough for us. It's about being consistent...and building up that faith. Stop wanting everything to just instantly plop in front of your face...less is more my friends =).

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

For My Audience

To everyone who reads my blog, thoughts? I think it's deep and quite beautiful.