Thursday, November 19, 2009

Shattered Peace of a Broken Heart

I made a promise, when the soap like shampoo you got me finished I would be over you. Every single day I use it and think why does this thing last so long? Why does it drag on so painfully long. I put on my clothes walk out the door, wear a smile and belt out a laugh. Every sound and every move consciously done to cover up the void. I didn't care if I fooled the other people...I was just hoping to fool myself. If you tell a lie long enough it becomes the truth. I am ok. I am over it. Girls, here I come again. I'll be ok...I'll be fine.

Today the shampoo fell and shattered. A sign perhaps? When it shattered my heart went thud. What does this mean? How do I react? How should I react? I drive out the thoughts and head off to work. Time passes. I keep myself busy to stop myself from thinking deeper into the situation. I go on facebook to look at old pictures...carelessly. Forgetting the uneasy feeling I got in the past 3 months whenever I see your face, I foolishly click back into older pictures - memories we shared captured in a still shot. As my eyes graze over our big smiles my mind starts to panic. What pain will I feel? What regret will surface again?

None. A smile shines through my cloudy face and I realize I'm finally at peace. Today the pain is calmed. Today I accept the end of the road for us. Today I accepted my decision - finally. Today my heart shattered in pieces is finally in peace. Slowly they will heal and come back together. Slowly my heart will be big enough to love again. Saying I have no regrets is another lie trying to paint a perfect story. We all have regrets, but we also all have to face them, accept them and move on.

"This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
On the, rise to the top, many drop, don't forget
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
If through our travels we get seperated, never forget
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets"

Love is a thing I hold more dear than anything or anyone can really fathom. But a failed love won't stop me from going where I need to go. I have my eyes set for a goal way up high. I don't intend to let a little regret or hurt keep me down. I fell. I got up. And I'll march on - Every. Single. Time. That's how it has always been. That's how it will always be.



1 comment:

  1. "Slowly my heart will be big enough to love again."

    that gave me hope for my heart, dear kevin. thanks for sharing! :) good to know i'm not alone!!

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