Vision: To Rid This World of Pain / Mission: Turn pain into strength and love for the weak.

Often times we pray for God to hear us and answer us don't we? I know I do plenty of times. But usually, nothing comes back and we go on and about our lives just like before. When that happens for a long time, we don't even stop to think about "what if God DOES answer me?" Well today, He did to me. And hell, I'm frustrated and angry. Dreading the fact that He responded to me.

1) One of the closest people to me is devastated and in great pain right now because his uncle had just been diagnosed with liver cancer. No, it doesn't look good, well as "good" as any cancer can look. What do I pray for? Do I pray for peace in the hearts of the family and my friend? Do I pray for a miracle and cure? Well, a year ago, my cousin who was 23 got diagnosed with brain cancer. What did I do back then? I prayed for peace in people's hearts. Why didn't I pray for a miracle? I didn't want to hate or blame God if He didn't grant it to me. In other words, ye of little faith. Now this time around, it is the same reason my friend doesn't want to pray for the same miracle. Well not me this time. I won't let my fear of blaming God stop me from faithfully praying for a miracle. Some of you may say "get real" to me and I can only retort "get God." I said this to God during prayer meeting today and you know what He said to me?

"Prove to me you have faith."
"Fine. What shall I do?"
"You know your vice, give it up as proof."
"...Dood, wtf..."

Do YOU know what my vice is? Well, it's what every guy suffers from. Do YOU know how hard it is to give it up? Only guys that have tried can attest to that. But let me say this: I will do anything to rid my friend of pain. And so I will. I hate it. But I will.

2) As I was praying for Pastor John my prayer dialog went something like this

"Lord, help John and our church to bring in the lost and hurt. Help him with Your guiding hand and br..."
"Are you a man of action or just talk?"
"I talk and do, always."
"Then why don't YOU bring in the lost and hurt?"
"I'm bad at finding the lost things. I can't even find my lost things. Where are my gym gloves?"
"Yeah, you suck at that. But what is your greatest asset?"
"My strong heart. Pain will not hold me down. I will destroy it"
"Then go and destroy the pain for others as you have always done for your friends."
"...You're right. Is this what You have in mind for me?"
"I called you to help kids in poverty not for poverty sake. It was to take away pain. You're calling is to take pain away from  others with your strong heart, not just hunger struck, malnourished kids."
"EFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. FINE. I'll do it. But make this covenant with me: I will admit you have blessed me with a heart strong enough to carry the heaviest burdens. But I, too, break sometimes. I WANT to take away pain from people theres no doubt...but I need a partner who I can fall back on too. Give me a loving and beautiful wife whom I can fall back on no matter what the situation and I shall do whatever it is you ask of me to rid this world of pain"
"Done deal. You got the short end of the stick."

And so the covenant was made. I'm thinking of starting a new ministry at church. A ministry that will bring in the hurt and we'll just let everything go. Ground rules will have to be set but all who come will not be judged. The pain will be used and turned into something good through the glory of God. And yet, before I start this ministry I have some pain of my own that I must destroy. Covenant was made and as God keeps his words, I too shall keep mine. I'm going to talk to John when he's back and I'll keep you guys posted.

Dear God,

You are an ass sometimes. You KNOW my heart and that I'm a stubborn mule when it comes to justice. You leverage that to make me do things. Glory to your wise ways =). Thank you. Even though I don't want to do it and I'm afraid...I choose to follow your will. Here on earth as it is in heaven.