Recollection

Talking about the one of the greatest through some of the greatest.

http://www.ninjavideo.net/video/53880

Awesome.

Readings John 1-2

²³Now while he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Feast, many people saw the miraculous signs he was doing and believed in his name.^[p] 24But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all men. ²⁵He did not need man's testimony about man, for he knew what was in a man.

So bone cold chilling and dry haha. 

New Year's Resolutions

People LOVEEEEEEEEE asking me what my new year's resolutions are. I think they think I have something profound to say or something; but I don't.

I usually don't make new year's resolutions and not because of that weak ass one liner people bust out: "New year's resolution: setting yourself up for disappointment."

I simply don't set one up because I think it's a stupid and weak concept. Why the hell would you wait half a year to change something if you realized in June that something was flawed about yourself?

If I have anything flawed enough about myself that I think deserves a resolution...I make it a [insert current month] resolution. Plain and simple. God didn't give us enough time on earth for us to wait a whole 6 months to change something that's THAT detestable about ourselves.

Plus, self improvement EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. is what we're supposed to be doing. Bearing the cross everyday means being better than yourself the previous day, unless you're perfect of course.

Anyway, since so many of you wondered, here it is. Kevin's new year resolution is to be more awesome. I know some of you are sincerely wondering if that's even possible. With God all things are possible. HAHA I cracked a joke and then placed God in it and you took it seriously for a second because it had God in it.

Anyway, on a more serious note: be wise in God and not in myself..whilst being more awesome.

Readings 2 Peter; Jude

²² And on some have compassion, making a distinction;^[d] 23 but others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire,^[e] hating even the garment defiled by the flesh.


AKA keeping it real AKA being nice isn't always the right thing to do AKA ...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLZVYY4E4e0


AKA nothing related. AKA just saying it because dude goes off saying AKA like it's his job.

Deep Down

Sigh, deep down inside maybe that boy is still there after all...

There Once Was a Boy

There once was a boy who had plenty of toys. These toys kept him interested only for so long for he figured them out in a few touches and a few times of playing with them. What seemed like the most interesting toys only lasted so long once he began to play with them. No toys would satisfy his curiosity nor be capable enough to entertain him. One day, that boy saw a toy lying there and it was shimmering. Something different, something spectacular in that toy drew him to it and so he went. And the boy spent just a few minutes with that toy and realized he wanted it for Christmas! Or his birthday! "Please God I want that toy!" said the boy in his prayers. But another boy came and claimed ownership of the mysterious toy that was once lying there so lonely. The boy gave the toy back and watched from the sideline as the other boy spent time with the one of a kind toy. One of a kind it was. This toy was nowhere to be found, no matter how high or how low the boy searched. Turns out, this toy was a special toy. It had to choose who it wanted, not the other way around.

As the boy grew older, he went to find more interesting toys but they were never like the one he had set his eyes on. Even when he found the bestest of them, better than the special one, inside...deep inside, he wondered if it would be like it. How that one is doing? Is it well polished? Taken care of? Is someone spending time with it so that it is not wasted? Although he gave all his love and attention to his most treasured toy when he played with it, it could never ever be 100%. He told his toys that and they knew. Unfair to his most treasured toys, he found himself feeling guilty at times. That one toy, that special toy which was never his, clung deeply to his desire to see it again, touch it again, spend time with it again. And so time went on. Nothing changed.

Then the boy grew into a man. Now with more life under his belt, the man has clearer eyes to see the world and all that is in it. That special toy, what does it mean to him now? The man thought and thought and finally came to a conclusion. A conclusion that is dark and bitter yet truthful. It destroyed the dream of the boy - to see, touch, and spend time with the toy he never had. The man realizes the foolishness of that dream. What did that toy do to deserve such high praise in the boy's eyes anyway? Nothing at all. The man wise from God realized that his mind is a powerful tool. If he places emphasis on a subject then it can and will become important, meaningless, drive for success, cause of failure or a deep desire. He had realized that all along, when he was a boy, he placed an unfair love onto that toy he couldn't have for no reason. And just like that, the special meaning of that toy is no more. The once shimmering special toy that held so much interest to the boy is now just any other toy to the man. The man with eyes of reason is not blinded by the amusement of the toy anymore. Overlooking the toy has never been so easy. Yet the man continues to search for the perfect toy - this time a toy that means something real not just perception: a sturdy, interesting, thought provoking, useful, beautiful, and unique toy. The man found that toy once...but it broke because he was careless with it. Broken toys are never revived. They're left there for someone else to pick up and fix. All the man could wish for is that another man, greater than himself would find that broken toy to piece it back together.

This time, the man sits patiently waiting to see which toy God will decide to drop into his lap. This time, the man promises God that he'll take good care of this toy. This time, the man can give his whole heart undivided to the toy because the once special toy no longer holds a dividend for his love. This time, it will finally be different.

Readings 2 Timothy

How cute. Haha.

Hurt

Between us there are words unspoken. Both of us don't know because it's thoughts unsaid. You won't know what you mean to me, truly; and I don't know what I mean to you. Let's carry on with all of it buried in the past.

Readings Heb. 11-13

Wow this section is really cool. Faith throughout the ages.

Readings Heb 7-10

"And for this reason He is the Mediator of the new covenant, by means of death, for the redemption of the transgressions under the first covenant, that those who are called may receive the promise of the eternal inheritance."


And those who aren't? If all are called then the wording would have been different no?


Some aren't called O_O. Some people have never heard of the Way but there are those that hear but do not hear. Maybe those are the ones that aren't called...

Readings Heb. 1-6

Spiritual Immaturity

   
¹² For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food. ¹³ For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. ¹⁴ But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.


One who is spiritually mature can be said to have greater faith. Those with faith act Godly rather than worldly. Faith vs Deeds. Deeds won't get us to heaven but through deeds we show faith. This thing goes in circles and explodes the mind much like so: Pinocchio says "my nose will grow NOW!"


Brain explode.


But I guess to a lesser degree. Deeds ALONE won't get us there ;). Yet only God can see deeds done through faith while man cannot tell the difference. Why would men need to praise us for having faith? Why do we care? Glory wasn't meant for men.

Readings 1 Peter

In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, ⁴and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, ⁵who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.


Uh oh, what?

Readings Titus

"They profess to know God, but in works they deny Him, being abominable, disobedient, and disqualified for every good work."


Let us be us and not them.

Thoughts on People is Today's QT. READ IT FOR A DARKER SIDE OF KEVIN >=D UNIBROW

Wow I am feeling the alcohol from last night. Vit b12 ftw =).

I have 3 issues I want to talk about. This isn't going to be a warm and fuzzy post. This will show the other side of me, instead of some care bear Kevin this is the Kevin from "When Bears Attack" on Discovery TV.

1. Respect. Now I'm one of those people that are SELDOM disrespected, so when it happens my mind is blown. In my head I'm thinking "is this really happening?" A fit of rage shoots into my head and I think "does this kid know who he's talking to?" At the rooftop party there was this girl Esther out smoking with a bunch of people. I went outside to talk to Roy and she says "Get the F out of here, nothings going on. Leave" WOWWWWWWW. I don't think she knows how hard of a Kevining she was about to receive. I would have destroyed her with my words so hard I honestly think she would have jumped off the roof. And I was soooooooooo temped. I played it off, explaining me and Roy are boys and I just wanted a man hug. Thank you God for keeping me wise - to your glory forever and ever. Amen.

2. Calm the f down. I crack lots of jokes and this one kid Jin was there sitting with some girl Gloria so I jokingly winked at her as in "sweet hook up" and then gave him a head nod. Friendly gesture really. HAHAHA the guy goes into a wildman rage. Like face went BLANK hair turned yellow and went super saiyan. He gets up and starts mumbling shibal sekki like a toughie ;). People know I'm calm and collected and I've given my fair share of warnings on if my top blows over. They've never seen the ugly side of me and thank God for that. Really. This kid acting tough and mumbling crap to me REALLY wanted me to crush his kneecaps. I really wanted him to throw a punch at me so I could knock him out then place his knees on a ledge and stomp on them one by one. Destroy one leg and watch him regret acting tough and saying shibal sekki like he knows me while I line up the other one to be stomped on. And it will get stomped on. But funny thing is, maybe out of his crew he never ever got disrespected? Although I don't see how my actions were disrespectful for him to take it to the extreme. People need to calm the f down before they get hurt. Really =). Thank you Lord for stopping him from throwing the first hit at me. I didn't want to receive the second part of that test haha. Aren't you proud of me that I didn't break his knees even though you know how badly I wanted to? That wasn't to you readers, only God knows how badly I wanted it. To all my boys who are reading this and think you're tough shi, don't act like idiots and provoke other people. You might meet someone like me and be never able to walk again. There are people that care about themselves and their life much less. People who don't care will do crazy things. It's not worth it. Be smart about it. And yeah, you think you're crazier and tougher. I know. But still, not worth it.

3. Controlling the situation. I'm sure you guys know, when theres a situation I'm usually on the fore front handling it. I'm good at it because my heads always leveled and clear even if it is filled with rage. I see the bigger picture and have my priorities straight. I'm willing to sacrifice my face for the greater good. Some people aren't. You see, when people are raging and need to be pampered, (yes pampered because you raging drunks are a bunch of pussy ass crying babies) people can do it using love or fear. Mike uses fear. He throws people up against the wall with his forearm barring their throat telling them "You don't know me. Calm down. I don't want to lay you out" I'm not saying I won't resort to that because you all know how angry of a boy I am proven by post 2, but the thing is why not try the soft stuff first? When I see things get handled like that I just think what an idiot. Provoking another drunk person is like a 50/50 gamble. I hate gambling because the risk isn't smart nor measures up to the rewards (BAM, FINANCE 101'd). Thank you God for giving me a big heart and eyes that see a bigger picture. Use it so that I may stop dumbass situations from happening to keep non believers away from judging us negatively. To your glory forever and ever. Amen.

Prayer request:
Heavenly Father,

Thank You for giving me the gifts of perceiving eyes. Have them always be scanning and looking for things that are wrong so that You may use me to correct them. Instill my heart with peace and love so that I may not fail You. Battle my demons for me as I alone cannot. Thank you Lord for giving me a sharp tongue. Keep it sharp with reason like a well assassin's blade so that I may slay demon in other people without them knowing. For them knowing brings credit to me and not You. Keep my tongue away from forking so that I will not speak words of a serpent and propel people to do idiotic things. I hate idiots. But yet You love placing me with them...You sly one You.

All things I do, let it reek with your presence.
Amen.

Man I have to work out today but feel owned from alcohol. My working out was a way for me to keep in touch God. Shall I let a bit of alcohol  get in the way? I think not. As stupid as it is, it's the other half of my QT. I am a QT. Alcohol is talking, I swear.

Readings 1 Timothy

¹⁸ This charge I commit to you, son Timothy, according to the prophecies previously made concerning you, that by them you may wage the good warfare, ¹⁹ having faith and a good conscience, which some having rejected, concerning the faith have suffered shipwreck, ²⁰ of whom are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I delivered to Satan that they may learn not to blaspheme.




What?

Comments on Readings

Justin's right no one ever comments on my readings haha.

Why is it? Does it not provoke thought? Am I far off the margin? Or are you guys turned off because the title starts with readings?

I guess getting pwned in the head IS more interesting...NOT.

Readings Acts 26-28

"And he thanked God."




Which we don't do enough. Is there ever enough?

PWNED IN THE HEAD

Oh yeah, this morning...I got pwned.

Since I started working out again, I've been getting muscle pains everywhere on my back so I use this muscle relief rub that leaves me feeling minty fresh. Anyway, I put it on after shower and whatever so I leave it in the washroom by all my other stuff that I use to pretty myself up AKA gel. Anyway, totally irrelevant. So I gel my hair and ran out. Half way towards the stairs (yes I take stairs because I am win) my head starts to feel oddly cold. I think "wow, I'm getting more fit. I walk so fast my head feels wind." The mild wind cutting through my hair starts to cut to my scalp then to my brain. IQ and nose kicks in and I realize "Oh crap. Something is minty and it isn't my breath. Remember when I said the muscle relief thing was irrelevant? I lied. It's really relevant actually...so relevant that it was on my mind all morning... I RUN BACK. Now my head is burning like a damn blaze in the BC forests. I take off all my clothes and jump into the shower only to realize water does NOT help. I wasn't man enough to use cold water to shower and hot water was scorching my head even more. For a moment I thought of running out naked to get milk to pour onto my head. And I did. But we had no milk. F.

In the end I manned up and washed it out with a glop of man shampoo. I removed my muscle rub from my washroom in order to stop future pwnage. What can I say? I'm a man of insight.

Readings Acts 23-25

Stances can be swayed, reason can be bent and logic can be twisted.

Readings Acts 20-22

Paul's about to get beheaded. What's the cause? Being socially unaccepted, speaking his thoughts and standing up for what he believes in.

So many of us conform to what people expect out of the social norm. Those who don't are persecuted just as it was thousands of years ago, although to a much lesser degree. Instead of beheading physically it is a beheading on the social level. Who hangs out with losers? That guys friggen weird, peace. That girl's so different, staying away from her. We can't help but think of these things because we fear what we can't relate to. No human can admit to liking the unknown (except girls who have a thing for mysterious guys and stupid blondes in horror films). That is our foolish human nature and who isn't guilty of it? There are people who are different, but with logic, and we can accept them because what they do is relatable; but, to the ones we can't form a bond with...do we even make the effort to understand? Chances are no. We scream and rally for them to be taken away just as Paul had experienced.

We do so many foolish things while we point our fingers at those who judge and persecute. Ironic isn't it?
Having wisdom is the knowledge of God...Being wise is DOING the things of God. Who's really wise?

Readings Acts 17-19

When I read these stories about Paul travelling everywhere converting people, rebuking demons, and pwning crowds with wisdom I can't help it but see it as some RPG. I just lost 80% of my audience there seeing as they are non gaming girls...but I will continue with my explanation because it is win. So RPG stands for role playing game; characters in there fight demons randomly, level up and get better equipment, and finally fight a big boss battle. ANYWAY when Paul randomly encounters his situations I just picture him battling RPG style. After he wins? Level up. Paul finds better equipment in the bible. Mother friggen level up AGAIN. Goes and pwns some Greeks and Jews. Level up. Dude just keeps leveling up.

I want to level up and pwn too.
RPG RANDOM BATTLE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEE6vmlRdTM

Anonymously Reminiscing

I sit here in my office dreading to do any sort of work. Last night stayed up so late chatting and the first thing I thought of this morning were all the memories we've had in the years of knowing each other. Really, since the first time we've met I thought you were oddly shy and intimidated. Proven false as time went on of course =). I miss seeing you laugh in person or get mad at me over absolutely nothing. Even if it were pretend and make belief I still didn't want you mad at me so I'd try to make it up to you hahaha. But you know, even though we don't see each other much every time you come back...I still feel a strong bond between us; something comfortable that's hard to describe or imitate with anyone else. Anyway, I think I could go on and on forever about these things so I'm going to cut it short. I have work to do too.

You make me smile with the smallest things. Sometimes I don't even know why. I just do. And...oh yea, I never lied to you =).

Readings Acts 14-16

Hahahaha, so funny. Paul's like a friggen superhero. Anyway, on a more interesting note, the bible spent 2 chapters of Acts talking about circumcision. Wadafa.

Readings Acts 11-13

"⁵⁰ But the Jews stirred up the devout and prominent women and the chief men of the city, raised up persecution against Paul and Barnabas, and expelled them from their region. ⁵¹ But they shook off the dust from their feet against them, and came to Iconium. ⁵² And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit."



That's right, they shook off the dust and went on. That's how life is and how we're supposed to react. Wrong deeds and evil thing being done to us will never cease and we shouldn't expect it to. However, we have the responsibility to keep on walking no matter what and dusting off this dirt that has been put onto us. Sometimes it gets messy and its mud thats flung onto us instead of dry dirt. Still, as messy as it is, we brush it off with our hand wash up and move on. No one should stand there crying and complaining about how dirty they are. Everyone faces trials and tribulations. You're nothing special, don't expect to stay clean.


I found out that someone I went to school with died recently. He committed suicide by jumping off a bridge. Why? No one really knows. But one rumor, and quite reliable, I might add, is that it was because he couldn't find a job. Now I am confused to as HOW I should feel; but, I'm very level headed when I say that I am angry and feel no sympathy. What a weak person. What an idiot. Does something so small warrant ending his life? Has he no heart or sense of responsibility? He took the easy way out - a coward's closing scene in a movie called life.


Although feeling no remorse for him, my heart aches for his family and friends. I can't even begin to imagine what it feels like to be the parents. Blame, regret, anger, hate...his death did nothing but make life worse for everyone else. Why? Why are people so weak? Is that what it's like to be hopeless? Such a depressing thought. I can't even understand let alone sympathize with people who'd do such a weak act. When life has you covered in mud, don't just stand there waiting to suffocate. Do something. If it's not coming off scrub a little harder. 

ANON REVEALED...herself

I KNEW IT FROM THE FIRST GUESS!

BTW, let me say this...I'm so happy anon is a girl sigh...I was beginning to think it's a guy posing as a girl.

STUPID GIRL! HAHAHAHA sigh...you had me going though. But thanks to your kind heart for coming out with the truth. I bet you panicked when I asked you for your Korean name huh ;)? I was on to you from day one  =P. LIAR LIAR pants on skittles.

You should see me now, I'm sitting in my office with lips ear to ear smiling. I look like a babo.

<3 Thank you for the fun, thank you for the relief.

Dear Anon

Look what you've done. I have girls now posing to be you. Some wishing to be you. Why? I haven't given this much attention to a girl in a long long time. REVEAL YOURSELF. That way I can stop giving you attention. If you want it that badly we can work something out...just not in this way...this frustrating way.

Readings Acts 7-8

Oh no, a history lesson again.

Mystery of Anon...SOLVED?

Everyone who's been following this mystery, I will take my guess now.

After careful examination through facebook wall to wall on typing habits and sentence structure...I have determined that Anon is...............................a Kim.

But which Kim is it? They both talk so alike...Laura talks with so many smiley faces and Linda talks with them too. BUT Linda's writing is inconsistent with "you" and "u" and uses plenty of abbreviation/short forms whereas Laura uses it sparsely.

It's more likely to be Laura from that sense but why would she be anon? OH UPDATE James confirmed it's not her. Linda...it's you. And if it's not...I have no freaking clue who you are because I'm out of L and A people no matter how many letters...unless you're actually not Korean O_O.

Mystery of the Anon pt...6

Wow I'm losing sleep over this now. You're right, this is a game. You should also be thankful I'm playing along because this is about as much suspense as you can get without having to kill someone and try to cover up the evidence.

Anyway, I reviewed things. The only two pieces of information you gave me were a SUGGESTION which your name begins with L and ends in A AND "no Korean."

Let's clear things up, confirm that your first name begins with L and ends with A. Also, you need to clarify what "no Korean" means. You're name of L and A is not a Korean name? Or does it mean you aren't Korean?

At least I know you're Canadian. Honor with a "u" in it.

Are you on my msn list?

Readings Acts 4-6

One day, I want to speak with so much wisdom that people can't help but listen to me hahaha. That'd be awesome. Jedi mind tricks.

Mystery of the Anon pt 5

Dear Anon,

You intrigue me to no ends and I could not take my mind off of you for the past 2 days and night. I haven't been able to work properly because of you. Please tell me, what facts do I have wrong? Please don't be a guy as well...being intrigued by one of the same sex makes me feel like I belong near James' store.

P.S. Shall I label you as my secret admirer?

Readings Acts 1-3

I love Acts. SIZZACKKKK.

Anyway, look at how powerful this one line is.

To you first, God, having raised up His Servant Jesus, sent Him to bless you, in turning away every one of you from your iniquities.”

In Christ we become just. Every one of us no matter what injustice runs through our veins. So difficult to grasp. It's such a huge concept and yet simple one that people can't believe. Maybe that's why they hear but don't hear; have belief but no faith.


God serves us but is not our servant.

Life is Beautiful

Shout out to James Cha for recommending this movie. Never heard of it before. By the way, I watched a dubbed version. They have an Italian accent in the dub...so needless and odd. I thought it was funny when I was young watching Chinese dubs on white people with accents and thought how homo. Guess it's the same here too hahaha. ANYWAY

I love movies that inspire humanity to be something more...and this is one of them. A father who's love for his child is so strong he's willing to bear all pain on himself so his child would not be affected or tainted by the ugliness of this world. People like him are millions times more brave and selfless than any super hero could dream of. For every ounce of strength he doesn't have, he must make up for with love and spirit.

The father jokes about everything and laughs about anything when he's alongside his kid. They say people who laugh or smile a lot are doing so to cover fear and lack of confidence. Have they thought of it from a different angle? People who laugh and smile ARE doing it to cover fear and lack of confidence - not their own, but those around them. A smile drops the guard between humans and lets them trust each other. A smile goes a long way when times are tough and embedded between every "h" and laced in every "a" of a laugh is a whisper of the words "it's ok, lean on me. I'll be here."

Every whisper brings together a bond. Every bond musters a greater strength. And every ounce of strength is what gets us through tough times. I guess no matter what the pain or how much of it there is...we can always smile more, laugh more, and live more. After all, that's what makes life beautiful.

Mystery of the Anon pt 4

Sequential evidence:

Anonymous said...

i wonder who this is... ahah

ahh we did eph in our sg bible study.

ephesians.. lots of run-on sentences

Anonymous said...

tee hee. it's me.

Anonymous said...

really? do you really know kevin?

because i dont think im who you think i am

December 8, 2009 12:53 AM

Anonymous said...

i'm honoured that you would post a whole post just about me

December 8, 2009 12:59 AM

Anonymous said...

hehe you made my day

i stalk to your blog just to see what you have to say about me

December 8, 2009 11:37 AM

Anonymous said...

how about someone that has a name that starts with L and ends with A?

Anonymous said...

i never agreed to this game

hehe. no korean name.

I'll get you...I'll get you. GLARE

Mystery of the Anon pt 3

EDIT* on Q3)

Ok, let's play a game. Everything you say to me has to be truthful and everything I say to you has to be truthful. I get 9 questions to solve you. All questions are yes or no answers.

1) Are you on my stalkers list?

2) Is your name 4 letters?

3) L and A, is it your ENGLISH I MEANT ENGLISH name?

Mystery of the Anon Pt...2?

Anon stands for ANONYMOUS NOOBS.

I theorize anon's name begins with R and ends in A. Or if anon is a liar, their name begins with H and ends in I. Suspect is also extremely likely to be female. Further deductions lead me to believe they are on my facebook stalker list as well. If, however, anon is indeed a person with a fifth limb; my theory pushes me to believe anon is indeed - a fag.

What throws me off: Doing Eph in SG bible studies...that coincides with people in our girls sg...I find it highly unlikely for anon to be Michelle, Jenni, or Karen. Anon talks much too girly for Michelle or Karen. Also too cute - anon said "tee hee" and uses plenty of smiley faces. This puts my suspecting eyes on Heidi...except I confronted her and she said NEGATIVE. Either anon is learning Eph coincidentally in their sg as well or anon's name does not begin with R and end in A.

EFFBOMB.

The mystery continues...I have at least more than half my facts right. WHAT SAY YOU WATSON? O_o

Readings Philippians

Hm...Does this mean everything happens, somehow, is for the glory of God? Or maybe just in Paul's case it happened to turn out that way. But I guess if we believe what I first stated then it'll help us get through rough times easier. Perception is everything haha.

Anon

I figured out who anon is =D. I think...I'll just pretend it's her.

Readings Colossians 1; Philemon 1

Not much thought in terms of wisdom. It is important to give praise where it deserves and to encourage where it's needed. I don't do enough of either. FFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

Readings Eph 4-6

Dang I never realized how mind boggling these chapters are. So intense full of wisdom and inspiration. It's crazy when you read verses that are like this because it's about the same number of pages as any other daily reading, except my brain's tired and blown after trying to grasp the concepts. Anyway, WAY too much stuff to even begin going into detail. Read it for yourselves. I promise it's bbqpwnsauce.

But I'll say this: we're called out to do the Lord's will, our calling. Except the problem is how will we know what our calling is? I don't think there's really any way of knowing for sure. Many people fool themselves and many people fool others regarding their calling. But what's a man supposed to do? At the end of the day, maybe it's just up to use to pick a righteous cause and do it in good faith that the Lord has called us to do so. But if it's predestined, then I guess whatever we end up choosing in good faith IS our calling ;).

ON A SIDE NOTE: waking up Roy on Sundays makes me laugh so much. All he does is grunt incoherently no matter what I say to him.

"Hey Roy, it's 12:50, when can you pick me up?"

"Uhn.."
"Can you understand me? Are you awake?"
"Uhn."
"So when can you pick me up?"
"Uhn."
"Wtf?"
"Uhn."
"Uhn."
"Uhn."
"K, call me when you're coming then"
"Uhn."
"Don't fall asleep again!"
"Uhn."
"Frig."
"Uhn."

If you string together all he's saying it sounds like the beginning of a rap song. TURN MY HEADPHONES UP

http://www.videosift.com/video/Chappelle-Turn-My-Heaphones-Up

Schindler's List

Watching now. Will cry. Will write thoughts later. Hahahaha pwned.

Readings Eph 1-3

Paul does some serious writing. Anyway, this whole predestination talk is coming out of a man...inspired by the Holy Spirit. Who's to say who's inspired by the Holy Spirit and who's not? Wonder if Jesus ever uses that word. Man's word is man's word after all. Even wisdom should be taken with a pinch of salt.

Readings Luke 23-24

NKJ > NIV.

Anyway, you guys ever place yourselves in the sandals of biblical people? It just occurred to me that these disciples are tripping balls and at awe that Jesus rose on the third day. I realized that I would have just shrugged it off and be like "Oh, you're back cool." The Dude said he would be back. I capitalized Dude because I'm talking about Jesus, how epic win is that? I think I would trip mountain oysters if He DIDN'T pop out of his tomb and walk around scaring people. That's when I realized the force is strong with this one, by force I mean faith.

On a side note, I wonder how much faith it would take to be able to pull off some force moves from Star Wars. Apparently faith the size of a mustard seed grants you "force push" or "jedi speech" since it warrants you to tell a mountain to go eff itself and it will indeed eff itself: by jumping into the water and causing a massive landslide. One day in heaven is like countless years on earth; one mustard seed is, similarly, likely to be the size of a freaking planet. Oh well, guess we'll find out when we're there...holy crap I just realized they probably have the best wasabi ever since it's made from some epic win mustard. (Don't go on to inform me about wasabi being made from horseradish because I will counter you first by telling you horseradish comes from a mustard. Pwndizzled.) Wow, speaking of heaven... 24/7 geudaen yongwonhan heaven. ADD FTL.

Readings Luke 21-22

Hmmm...Things that are written will come to pass. We think we won't but we'll end up doing whatever it is written haha. Funny, this coincides with all this Flash Forward I'm watching...and of course all that predestination vs. free will stuff. Mind blown.

Disgust

Don't look at me with those heartless, deceitful, passionless eyes of yours because I will not hesitate to destroy you with my words. As I was getting ready for work my mom was telling me about business in China and disgusting memories surfaced in my mind. A nation that is so pretentious, greedy and selfish calls themselves proud, honest people. How you disgust me.

In China, the poor are looked down upon like animals with no soul.

In China, the rich hold no regard to anyone below them.

In China, sin spread like wildfire convincing innocent souls it is the way of life.

In China.

A land that claims honor honors women who sell themselves to wear a brand name; yet kicks sand at the faces of women who stand by their self respect and work till their hands crack just to eat a bowl of rice and some roots.

A land that cheat, lies, and steals from the citizens inhabiting it and those who do business with it.

A land that cares not for safety of those who use their products even if it could kill the users - as long as it turns a profit.

A land called China.

Money is the root of all evil - to those who have no purpose for money but self gratification. Back in the 80s when China was gaining economic grounds, you have these hillbilly farmers who blew up big and became wealthy. These classless knuckle heads with their white socks, dress shoes, and Armani dress pants that are too short go into the world flaunting their wealth like it wasn't luck that gave it to them in the first place. The rest of the population, oppressed by a failing government full of crooks, poverty and the western media became obsessed with money. Foolishly, they chased and chased whilst using any means necessary to reach their goal. They lied to each other, cheated each other, even killed each other. And 20 years later, you'd think it would have gotten better. More educated people, better economy, more globalization and a younger generation of leaders should turn the situation around. Right? Educated people use their brains to figure out HOW to cheat, lie and steal better. If they don't know, we didn't do it is their philosophy. The economy is growing due to the fact that businesses cheat, lie and steal. Globalization made China go into the media glorifying it for its economic prowess so these fools have even more to boast about. Younger generation turn their back on what is right in order to make the quick buck. How you disgust me.

What happened to hopes and dreams? Honor and integrity? Self respect? Character? Love? And then you ask me why I'm not proud to be Chinese, why should I be? China's just a pretty girl with all the makeup but a rotten inside. What is there to be proud of? Nothing. The flag of red which is supposed to represent love and passion is of lust and greed. The yellow stars in the corner which supposed to represent hope and a better day now is the number of good people left in the nation.

Sure, this is a rant; but it's a rant with truth that no one talks about. People are funny. They're proud of their existence from a land that the know nothing about. Don't make me laugh you blind fools. And yes, there are plenty of good people in China but most of them hold no power to affect the nation or change its stature, so in the grand scheme of things who really cares? Let me say this, if China rises to power before God rises to power inside China...the world will not be a pretty place. God, do you thing. Because people themselves clearly can't get anything right.

*Side note: Korea's not much better with it's seek for self gratification and media whoring. Japan's prostitution night life is equally disgusting. I guess it's a plague of all powerful Asian nations. And oh yeah, the whole Tibet situation, even though China disgusts me, I still stand by their decision. Screw the Dalai Lama. And before you start debating with me about this topic stop eating up all that western media and find some food for yourself.

Readings Luke 19-20

Show truth and sincerity and truth and sincerity shall be reflected back onto you.

Oh, and also, K.I.S.S.

NOT Readings

Wow today's study wasn't in the form of studying but youtube videos. Joel Osteen and Bill Graham fail...false preachings???!?

Should God be in the Center of Our Lives?

How the preachers keep preaching and people who think they're right with God keep talking. Place God at the center of YOUR LIFE! Keep talking because I'm not listening. Go convince someone else.

We think in order to be with God we have to focus on Him alone and nothing else. Why? Because that's what we were taught. By pastors and people who seems righteous. If God is the center of my life then I am revolving around Him. My eyes set on him only my back turned against the world. This paints the wrong picture of how we're supposed to live. Now if someone bumps you and turn you 180 then you're back's against God and your eyes set on the world. What now? Don't even see Him anymore right? Then now you walk and He becomes a distant object behind your back and that's that.

Instead we should carefully examine how we should treat God. Is it really right to hog Him to ourselves in the center? Having alone time and making every second of the day be about you and Him? I don't think so. Before you get all :O:O OMG WTF BBQSAUCE on me, stfu and listen.

God shouldn't be the center. OOOOOOOOOOOOH Kevin's bad, what a bad Christian! Well big deal; aren't we all? God away from the center of our lives because it limits us and limits Him. He should be the bond that holds us with everything we do in life. Friendships. Relationships. Work. Decisions. Recreations. Anything. Everything. These bonds should be withheld and blessed by the strength of God so that good may come out of it and evil may not come of it. Those on the other end of the bonds will also see the work of God rather than you hording Him to yourself while centering God in your life. And if you do fall in one bond and God drops out of that, at least you have other Godly bonds to keep you straight. Diversifying risk just like a stock portfolio. So next time you think to yourself "I need to take my focus away from school, relationships, friendships, work, sports or whatever in order to focus on God" think again. Don't be so stubborn and open your eyes. That's just us wrapping up excuses in a righteous bow tie to make ourselves sound like we're aiming at the righteous path in our walk. Next time instead of focusing AWAY other things, why don't you trust in God a little more and place Him INTO the things you are doing? OHHHHH sounds bad...now Kevin's saying place God along into other activities. God's secondary now. OOOOOOOOOOOOH.

Keep God revolving around you so you may never take your eyes off of Him. If life hits you into a 180 you're still looking at Him. Keep God surrounding you so that others may see Him and receive Him, so that you may share all that is good. Let God surround you so that when you fall grace will soften the pain.

Whether you're convinced, sympathizing or loathing my view, I really don't care. What I do care for is that you think for yourself and not blindly listen to what others preach or say. When you put something in your mouth do you not question what it is? Then when others "feed" us, should we not question what it is?

Glimpse of Happiness in a Void

*EDIT* never typing Korean again in my blog. Messed up the format at the bottom. Have fun reading -_-

Today while working out at the gym, I see this little chubby kid run down the stairs by the weights. His lips begin to widen and soon stretch ear to ear almost as if he wanted to be Julia Roberts. What made him do such a perfect impersonation was that he saw this huge yoga ball (you know, the big bouncy balls that you do crunches on or other gymtards [gym retards] who like to do squats on.) Well, he quickly ran to it and started bouncing the ball up and down, up and down. With each successive bounce back to his chubby little fingers his lips were closer to his ear lobes. His shiny eyes with hope and TRUE joy locked on to his fathers. Hoping to share this joy with one of the most important people in the world to him, he kept on bouncing the ball and his eyes screamed "Daddy, look! Isn't it awesome??"

It was so awesome to him. He was so unselfish and willing to share.

Yet the father silently stared back with no emotion. He waves his hand over and says "let's go, come on." The kid stays put, lips a little further from the earlobes now. The father doesn't budge. The child's moon crescent shaped eyes made of joy were now turning back to its normal olive shapes. Happiness that wanted to be shared and was selflessly offered was shot down just like that.

You see, a lot of the times we don't understand this simple thing. What's important to you may not be important to others; what's important to others may be worthless to you. So when someone shares something with you and you don't give a rat's ass or damn to respond or even acknowledge them, great evil is being done. ESPECIALLY to kids. This child that I saw today may have drawn to the conclusion that sharing things you love will get you rejected. Maybe it's better not to share happiness with other people. What a cruel thing to learn especially since it demolishes hope. A father who couldn't be bothered to walk over for 30 seconds to bounce that yoga ball with his kid while sharing a smile could have taught his son a very wrong lesson. What's worse he could have placed a barrier between their relationship.

I almost forgot to put this entry. Leaving 노래방, Matt ran off to finch market. He came back with two 김밥. I went to a sushi buffet today and was not hungry at all. I politely turned him down.

He looked over and said "I bought it for you!" Haha...I couldn't help but smile inside knowing God

wanted to remind me of the lesson I learned today. So I took it and watched him munch down on

his. As I'm writing this I'm eating it. And yes Matt, I failed at peeling the wrapper too.

Thank you for sharing a glimpse of your happiness with me, it's more delicious than any 김밥

I've had in a long time. I will not be the one to discourage people from trying to share their joy.

I will not be that kind of a father.

I will not be like my father.

I will be like my Father.

Readings Luke 17-18

We should forgive those who sin against us but repent infinitely. What do we do to those who don't care to repent?

Readings Luke 14-16

"And he said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of God."

Precisely why I don't have to worry about what people think of me when I say the things that I do. I'm confident because of it; because I know in the grand scheme of things their view on who I am, whether true or not, has no real impact. Sorry, it's the truth :).

Friends, family and God matter since their judgement would be what's in my heart.

Readings Luke 12-13

No one worry Listen to that Bob Marley song right?

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. 24 Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!

Let's amen to that. I kept my word. I'm still awake yet to shut my eye. I read. I thought. I wrote.

On a side note...pretty sad how sometimes even I have to be drunk to say the things it truly want to say and do the things I truly want to do. Why so cruel fate? Why so cruel?

Readings Luke 10-11

Why focus so much on the outside when what matter most in on the inside? So simple no?

Riddle

A poison to the soul; passion's cruel counter part,

from love she grows; till love is slain.

Soft Heart, Hard Mind.

Taking a break from rigorous sales analysis of eight years, I stumble upon a touching music video on youtube. It was made by JYP and Jackie Chan for the earthquake victims and survivors of China a while back. I remember when I heard it, I didn't even flinch. Didn't really care nor had the heart to help. My mom took out $4,000 and donated it to them without hesitation. At that time I thought nothing of it. But now looking back I realized how soft hearted and hard minded my mother is. $4,000 is nothing to scoff at especially in my parents' financial situation. But without even thinking about it, her pen graced through the face of the cheque. Such a heart for compassion. What a strong woman and kind soul. I pray that I can become selfless like her and every day I want to tell her how much she inspires me yet I can't bring myself up to say those kind of things to her. Don't know why. Maybe it's the family I was brought up in. I show ample gratitude and love to my girlfriends but never to my parents. Those words unspoken hurt; yet if they were to be said it'd immensely awkward.

Videos here. Look at the pain in the survivors eyes...the loss of someone they love crushes their souls. No crutch can comfort those pain numbed eyes. Breaks my heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIBju-Lcgnk

FRICKEN A.D.D.

I have fricken ADD. I'll do my sales analysis for 2 minutes then I'll go on youtube and pull a Mike. AKA listen to Korean songs. Then I'll go back to my project and 2 minutes later I'll be on facebook. Wadafa. Though I must say I still get things done. It's just like back in school....

On a side note, keeping it realer than the fact that girls do fart:

Readings Luke 8-9

"No one after lighting a lamp covers it with a jar or puts it under a bed, but puts it on a stand, so that those who enter may see the light."

Wow really? Jesus you'd be surprised...

Food that grosses me out...REALLY?

Just found out at work that some people here eat BALUT. In case you don't know, balut is a partially born chicken whilst still in the egg. Yes, it's an egg with some chicken in it. It is to be hard boiled and eaten whole (with feather, bone, yolk, and white). Now by this time you've probably scrunched your nose already. My stomach's turning as I describe it and yet I've asked them to bring me one when they get the chance. Yes, I will eat it. I will also record it and post a video of it. But just the thought of eating a partially born chick is quite disgusting. Apparently the broth in the egg is supposed to be delicious. Now I've convinced a few of you to eat durian and loved the responses because it was utterly hilarious; I just hope it won't be the case when I eat this balut. Well at least you all get to see my reaction and fear before I battle this beast of a delicacy. Wow my stomach's actually turning...

Readings Luke 6-7

Can the people who have it good now really not have it good in heaven? A question that struggles many. I certainly don't plan to be poor...nor powerless. In fact I'm going to be the total opposite. You need both to make a big impact and a certain change. We'll see what it says further down in Acts and Proverbs about this.

Readings Luke 4-5

Funny, the devil uses logic and reason understandable by us to convince and sway. God uses illogical things and things unfathomable by us to redeem. You'd think it'd be the other way around...love needs no logic; only willingness.

Readings Luke 2-3

Nothing really, just a story of how Jesus came to be. But look how serious the bible takes lineage into consideration...just scan your eyes through the list...then go to the last 4 words and realize how epic this is. Pretty cool/scary/annoying how they track it so far back though. Pretty awesome too. Anyway, I think it's important to never forget where we came from even if we have our eyes set on where we need to go.

Jesus, when he began his ministry, was about thirty years of age, being the son (as was supposed) of Joseph, the son of Heli, 24 the son of Matthat, the son of Levi, the son of Melchi, the son of Jannai, the son of Joseph, 25 the son of Mattathias, the son of Amos, the son of Nahum, the son of Esli, the son of Naggai, 26 the son of Maath, the son of Mattathias, the son of Semein, the son of Josech, the son of Joda, 27 the son of Joanan, the son of Rhesa, the son of Zerubbabel, the son of Shealtiel, [13] the son of Neri, 28 the son of Melchi, the son of Addi, the son of Cosam, the son of Elmadam, the son of Er, 29 the son of Joshua, the son of Eliezer, the son of Jorim, the son of Matthat, the son of Levi,30 the son of Simeon, the son of Judah, the son of Joseph, the son of Jonam, the son of Eliakim, 31 the son of Melea, the son of Menna, the son of Mattatha, the son of Nathan, the son of David, 32 the son of Jesse, the son of Obed, the son of Boaz, the son of Sala, the son of Nahshon,33 the son of Amminadab, the son of Admin, the son of Arni, the son of Hezron, the son of Perez, the son of Judah, 34 the son of Jacob, the son of Isaac, the son of Abraham, the son of Terah, the son of Nahor, 35 the son of Serug, the son of Reu, the son of Peleg, the son of Eber, the son of Shelah, 36 the son of Cainan, the son of Arphaxad, the son of Shem, the son of Noah, the son of Lamech, 37 the son of Methuselah, the son of Enoch, the son of Jared, the son of Mahalaleel, the son of Cainan, 38 the son of Enos, the son of Seth, the son of Adam, the son of God.

Weird dream...

Here goes:

Me, Khang, Matt and John Kim were around Earl Haig coming back from somewhere...a retreat perhaps because I had my duffel bag full of clothes in Khang's car.

For SOME reason, I only had my boxers on riding shotty in Khang's car. Knowing me, I did it JUST to bother people. So we park the car and they walk towards the field. I run out and realize damn, it's like 3 pm and sunny I should put some clothes on and not look like an idiot. By this time Khang and Matt were walking across the field to John's car. He parked a little bit away from us. So I scream "Khang pop the trunk!"

I scramble around and find my brown pirate Jesus T-shirt. Put it on. As the shirt goes over my head and covers my eyes for a split second, these two little scrawny black kids (think of the movie Hardball or City of God [C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER] City of God is one of the best foreign movies....ho ho hold up I'ma let you finish but City of God is one of the BEST MOVIES - OF ALL TAHM.) show up and starts blaming me for something.

Then one kid pulls out a gun which looked like it was way too big for his scrawny ass arm. He points the gun up at me and starts getting emotional. I kept my cool and was REALLY calm. I know I'm cool and collected when anything goes down but I didn't think I'd be this calm in this kind of a situation. I say to him "hey, calm down...what's wrong? Let me help you. Don't throw away your life." His buddy glares at me like I'm a serpent slithering lies through my forked tongue. Kid with the gun screams "You! It's ALL YOUR FAULT!" I reply firmly "Listen, talk it out. There will be no good for you to shoot me. Nothing gets resolved and you'll probably in up in jail or die from one of my men." Kid thinks about it. Lowers his gun for a split second. As I realize his gun hand and trigger finger starts to tremble again I drop to the ground with blurred vision. Numbness went from my neck up to my face. Unbelievable amount of force punctured my neck. I couldn't feel pain. I had to look all over the ground for the blood splatter to realize he had shot right through my neck. Somehow between my Adam's apple and major artery. Kid was stunned that he shot me and clearly never did it before. He drops the gun and runs off with his buddy.

With a light head I pick up the gun. Bam, bam one kid drops. Click, click the gun's out of bullets. One kid gets away. I scream for help across the field "Khang! Matt! John!" Whoa, my head feels woozy. Blood loss from screaming. But I can't stop. Need help. Now. Short breathed, I look down and let out a chuckle "...you idiot." I grab my blackberry out of my left pocket and dial Khang.

"Let's get out of here, I've been shot. Scramble. Meet you at closest car." Everyone scrambles to their cars. Turns out I'm the closest to Matt's car. This guy just seems to not get the situation. You know when a kid is doing something they dread? Chin tucked in, shoulders down and dragging their feet? Matt was doing that. I was SO pissed. I was screaming at him so loudly while blood was squirting from my neck. We finally get into his car and he freaking takes a breather like he walked for 40 miles. In my rage I woke up.

The End.

Readings Luke 1

Wow.

“Blessed be the Lord God of Israel,
for he has visited and redeemed his people
69 and has raised up a horn of salvation for us
in the house of his servant David,
70 as he spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets from of old,
71 that we should be saved from our enemies
and from the hand of all who hate us;
72 to show the mercy promised to our fathers
and to remember his holy covenant,
73 the oath that he swore to our father Abraham, to grant us
74 that we, being delivered from the hand of our enemies,
might serve him without fear,
75 in holiness and righteousness before him all our days.
76 And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High;
for you will go before the Lord to prepare his ways,
77 to give knowledge of salvation to his people
in the forgiveness of their sins,
78 because of the tender mercy of our God,
whereby the sunrise shall visit us [8] from on high
79 to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
to guide our feet into the way of peace.”

Cool Bro. Night.

Readings Mark 15-16

One again, same stuff as Matthew. I go this out of it though: nowadays we bend things and rationalize as long as it tickles our fancy; but, the truth no matter through which perspective always stays the same. Do I have to explain how I came to this conclusion? You can figure it out right? Right.

Shattered Peace of a Broken Heart Pt2

Haha...how fitting of a song near the end of it all. This is what it has become of something that was once so sacred and beautiful

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8PPzMr188M

Readings Mark 14

Mark's account of the end. Same as Matthews. But one thing that spoke to me was the woman giving to Jesus. That screams learn to prioritize things in life. What's important may not always be important when seen through relativity. Deep stuff if you think about it.

Shattered Peace of a Broken Heart

I made a promise, when the soap like shampoo you got me finished I would be over you. Every single day I use it and think why does this thing last so long? Why does it drag on so painfully long. I put on my clothes walk out the door, wear a smile and belt out a laugh. Every sound and every move consciously done to cover up the void. I didn't care if I fooled the other people...I was just hoping to fool myself. If you tell a lie long enough it becomes the truth. I am ok. I am over it. Girls, here I come again. I'll be ok...I'll be fine.

Today the shampoo fell and shattered. A sign perhaps? When it shattered my heart went thud. What does this mean? How do I react? How should I react? I drive out the thoughts and head off to work. Time passes. I keep myself busy to stop myself from thinking deeper into the situation. I go on facebook to look at old pictures...carelessly. Forgetting the uneasy feeling I got in the past 3 months whenever I see your face, I foolishly click back into older pictures - memories we shared captured in a still shot. As my eyes graze over our big smiles my mind starts to panic. What pain will I feel? What regret will surface again?

None. A smile shines through my cloudy face and I realize I'm finally at peace. Today the pain is calmed. Today I accept the end of the road for us. Today I accepted my decision - finally. Today my heart shattered in pieces is finally in peace. Slowly they will heal and come back together. Slowly my heart will be big enough to love again. Saying I have no regrets is another lie trying to paint a perfect story. We all have regrets, but we also all have to face them, accept them and move on.

"This is the number one rule for your set

In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
On the, rise to the top, many drop, don't forget
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
If through our travels we get seperated, never forget
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets"

Love is a thing I hold more dear than anything or anyone can really fathom. But a failed love won't stop me from going where I need to go. I have my eyes set for a goal way up high. I don't intend to let a little regret or hurt keep me down. I fell. I got up. And I'll march on - Every. Single. Time. That's how it has always been. That's how it will always be.

Readings Mark 12-13

Man first parable that stumped me. Either it's straight up simple or too freaking deep. Vineyard, killing...who's who? Who are we? Be good tenants and give rightfully what is His is what I'm getting.

And the lady who gives...this whole things about giving. Speaks to me. Anyway, what's scary is the stress on relativity. It's about giving significance based on what you have. How do we tell how much we truly have to begin with? Talking about more than just money here.

Anyway, interesting day. Going to bed.

John Kim's epic analogy

"Wordsunspoken is a wicked blog name. It's like that 2 faced painting with the old lady and the hot lady...except with words." - John Kim

Anyway I'm listening to podcasts on customer acquisition and retention strategies. The narrator's voice is so monotonous. All I'm doing is thinking if this were James Earl Jones, Darth Vader, doing the voice it'd be so much more interesting.

"In this tight economy, *inhale*, customer acquisition needs to be done through the force, *inhale*, of promotion."

Readings Mark 10-11

Really, nothing to interesting. Maybe because I'm so tired that I can't think. But oh well, forcing things is not th way to do it either.

Meteor Shower - Once every 33 years.

Man I was so excited for this. Wrestling with whether I really wanted to see this once every 33 years phenomenon, I finally bit my lip and decided to go ahead with it. I'm now at work with eyeballs that look like speckled jawbreakers and that feel as dry as the Sahara desert. Oh yea, my mental reflexes are about as sharp as a spoon. But anyway, the night went a little something like this...

In preparation for setting my skull and my spine at a 90 degree angle for the next few hours, we took logs made of what felt like titanium and moved them closer to the lawn chairs where people comfortably found their spots. Oh yea, Mike dropped that titanium log on my foot. It's now looking like a Backstreet boy album released year ago mixed with Star Jones' foot - or a pigs fat foot. In the blistering cold we waited and the promised shower was really just a sprinkle...or maybe trickle...ok, just droplets. Frozen to the bone, people quickly left and in the end, only a few of us were left.

The whole ordeal was nothing to shout about or even worth mentioning. But what was left even in the frozen breeze and bitterness of beer was friendship. Sincere friendship with nothing attached is something special, something to be cherished. They say you should make a wish when you see a shooting star, but I've realized if I didn't have these friends it'd be something I'd wish for. And I guess where I'm getting at was that the meteor shower was nothing special, but because of it I've realized how blessed I am for having all of my friends. I don't take any of you for granted and I pray I never do. Let me know if you need me, I'll be there. My boys you know how much I love you guys. My girls it's the same. As vulgar and carefree as I may seem, I think about you guys a lot during the day. Wondering if you've found jobs, if you're keeping up with school work, if your relationships' are going well and if you're just happy. And although I don't extend my concern enough through a electronic "hello," I'm here for you any time. Just say the word.

And of course, this wouldn't happen without the help of my Glorious Friend. We cool right ;)? Right. Thanks for looking out for me. I'm promising to extend that to my friends too ok?

And these are the wordsunspoken. Half of you guys won't even read it...maybe these things will forever remain unspoken ;).

Readings Mark 8-9

Wow some strong stuff. End whichever part of you that causes you to sin. I don't know about you, I'm definitely incapable of doing that. Should we take it literally? My whole being causes me to sin. What do I do about that?

Another cool note is when Jesus tells Peter to stfu because he is following the wishes of men and not God. Clearly Peter's concern was an ethically righteous one. But then again clearly God cares none for preset notions of societal values. He does his own thing and expects us to follow it. Sometimes we'd be expected to do things His way that make no sense to us. That's fine. But those who take words to the extreme do extreme things. How far do we take it? Bombings in the name of God? Crusades that raped and pillaged villages in the name of God. Mass suicides in the name of God. But alas it should be realized: those cruelties are done in the name of A god - not our God. It is done by men twisting God's word into words of men.

"“Get behind me, Satan! For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.”

Anyyyyyyyyyyyyyway, this update's for the one I missed yesterday. Will update later today after work for today's reading.

Readings Mark 6-7

Holy crap I am dead tired. Anyway, the thing that stuck out here was that nothing vile comes from outside of man, all that is dirty comes inside out. How true and deep. My farts are vile. Possibly biochem warfare level stuff.

Refine the insides so that only flowers come from within. Much like me thinking girls' farts must smell like flowers. Well, only the pretty ones. HA, I actually thought that at a point in time. Who's with me?

Giving to the homeless

We went and gave stuff to homeless people today...and I was bitter. Deep down I knew it wasn't enough. It was all a sham, a sham wow. We did it to pat ourselves on the back. Massage our egos. Cuddle our faith. Oh we're such nice human beings, taking 2 hrs out of our lives to see the homeless people. Those crazy, dirty, gross people. I saw it in our eyes. It was in my eyes. Listen to them ramble their heart out with tears in their eyes. Yearning for companionship that they don't have. Yet we had to cut them short. "Hey listen, it was great talking to you. But we HAVE to leave." Oh really? HAVE to leave. Right. They're cutting close to our 2 hr time line. Better cut them loose and boogie. Don't need 3 hrs to massage my ego, 2 hrs is enough. As we turn our backs I look at the man's eyes. As much as it was full of confusion, alcohol, and any other possible drug available, I saw a world of hurt. An understanding of insincerity...and worst of all, an acceptance of it as human nature. When a good deed is carried out half way...it just seems fake.

We gave blankets, some food, a backpack and whatever other thing. Who cares. They're still on the streets, they'll still be hungry, they'll still die. We say a prayer...and leave. Have faith in the prayer you say. I hope they do. Because I don't. Not in the prayer, but in us as people to follow through the opportunities God gives us to actually do something about it. We just don't. We only have 2 hrs to spare, remember? How bitter I was about making no real difference. As a business student that prides myself for efficiency, effectiveness, and strategy to get out of bad situations, I felt so powerless. That anger fuels me. One day. One day I will become SO powerful and influential. I will be so rich and recognized. I will start a movement and get these people off the streets. For justice I will. Throw me pain and anguish, I will destroy it.

At the end of the day, a James Cha with sparkling eyes and a bright smile caught my attention.

He wanted to genuinely hear these people's retarded drunken rambles. He got offended at a person that said nothing but thanks. A glimpse of hope into what caring really is. A shimmer of light to see someone who wasn't massaging his ego. He wanted to hear THEIR story. ONE person's story. Then it hit me. It's my fault. It's not pointless. I was being a fool. I looked at the homeless like a number. A problem, an equation, an "it." James had it right all along. Each individual is a person. A person is not a problem, number or equation. Tonight we didn't solve a problem or an equation. But we did give blankets to 20+ people so they'd stay warm. We did hear their stories and gave them some companionship. When it comes to lives, numbers can't be the measurement. For each life made better is an accomplishment. Each act of kindness brings a bit of inspiration. Each bit of inspiration ignites an ember of hope. Let us keep the ember alive. It's what we're called to do.

Readings Mark 4-5

Today's readings were applicable. Sower with seeds thorns, rocks, and soil. Yea, that parable. What I got from it was all we can really do is spread God's word. The grounds are predetermined to be rocks, thorns, and soil. Let us do our end to show God glory and let Him do His end to paint His own glory. And that's that. We can't control what type of ground we sow seeds on because we honestly won't know. All we can do is know REALLY well what brand our seeds are and leave the rest. It's the act of sowing that is needed of us. God does the reaping.

Another thing was Jesus telling the howling wind to settle down and stfu, with faith of course. I've realized that it's applicable to humans. If we can all have a little faith in each other and realize that people aren't all douche bags then they will do what we ask granted we do so in faith. Very simple, in business no one wants to buy something for $1 if they can get it for 75c. But if we have faith in the other end and ask them to spend a little more money because we need it on our end, something really can be worked out. Makes no sense in numbers, but funny thing is, when you ask in faith it really does happen. Bible > business school on that account.

So let us be less scared of each other and the unknown. Have a little faith. Dare to ask the taboo things, dare to ask the stupid questions, dare to ask for forgiveness. Because when you do it in faith chances are the sincerity will result in what you wanted to begin with.

Readings Mark 1-3

Mostly just Sunday school stories...but what stuck out was:

Truly, I say to you, all sins will be forgiven the children of man, and whatever blasphemies they utter, 29 but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin”— 30 for they were saying, “He has an unclean spirit."

:O:O:O:O:O??????????????? What do you guys think? Grace doesn't forgive all? My mind is blown right now. PEWPEW